Duff Goldman/Mary Alice »
Duff Goldman’s Crazy Interview
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Duff Goldman recently took time out of his busy fondant-molding schedule to do a 3-question interview with a random marketing blog. And man, some of the answers he gave were just CRAAAAZY. I’m talking “insane person rambling to themselves at a bus stop outside an institution” crazy. I’m talking “man standing on a step stool in a park surrounded by pigeons talking nonsense in New York City” crazy. Seriously, I just re-read the article three times, and STILL had no idea what the hell he was talking about most of the time.
And so, without further ado, here are the “3 most WTF statements” from Duff’s 3-question interview:
1. “We’re making people’s dreams and joys tangible in a sweet medium that is meant to be consumed, like the hearts of vanquished Aztec warriors that are consumed to impart that warrior’s bravery.” -Duff, when asked how he felt about his cakes being temporary works of art.
2. “If my motivation was always the bottom line, that attitude would permeate everything we do and it would cease to be art. It would take on the mantle of a marketable commodity.” -Duff, when asked how he maintains a fun work environment.
3. “If we don’t take time to be silly and joyful, we can get mired in the sludge of our own existence.” -Duff, who is now apparently a follower of Nietzsche. Thus Spoke Zarathustra!
Mired in the what?! Is it just us, or did all the answers in that interview seem incredibly un-Duff? On his show, he usually just mutters basic 4-word sentences and calls it a day. Granted, I don’t know the man personally, but I just can’t see him using phrases like “mantle of a marketable commodity” or “hearts of vanquished Aztec warriors” in everyday conversation.
But then again, maybe I’m just mired in the sludge of my own existence.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Duff Goldman Slams Cake Boss, Brags About Making More Money---Photo: A Young Duff Goldman
---Draw Your Own Conclusions: The World’s Most Oddly Appropriate Photo Of Duff Goldman
---Duff Goldman In Hawaii
---Duff Goldman Licks Fingers, Serves Cake On The View
- Duff Goldman/Mary Alice
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75 Responses
Reminds me of having to analyze poetry in high school and you have no clue what the poet is really saying.
Yes. Exactly!
OMG, his stubble almost reaches his eyes.
Duff’s idiotic commentary is dry and inedible, just like his cakes.
Actually, I was going to say that perhaps the questioner
caught Duffy when he was temporarily off of whatever he
imbibes – the answers were wacko, but did hint that there
might be a functioning brain lurking in there somewhere.
The ‘bottom line’ part was hilarious; no, I don’t think
you have to worry about the bottom line when you have a
waiting list of people stupid enough to pay thousands of
dollars for cakes that by and large simply don’t look
edible.
My solution to this guy is just change the channel when he or his freak show is on. They disgust me thoroughly.
I think he is now surpassing Fieri as most douche-able on FN.
I agree. He is trying way too hard to be cool. And that laugh of his? Spare me.
Nothing like paying $1000+ for a “cake” (can it legally be called that?) made out of Play Doh, pipes, styrofoam and rice ceral treats. Yuck. (Do those stoners even wash their hands before they start carving and rolling the arts and crafts supplies?)
Ace of Fakes = Waste of TV.
Would that last line sum up a good 95% of Food Network programming? :)
–(Do those stoners even wash their hands before they start carving and rolling the arts and crafts supplies?)–
Between the bare hands and the hair (dirty or otherwise) hanging over and almost touching everything they make, it makes me nauseous .
But it’s totally edible or whatever…
New response to the oldish post about handwashing. On the 100th episode of AoC, they did talk about how they get a lot of questions about if they wash their hands. One of the girls stated that of course they wash their hands, it’s just to boring to show. Yea, right. I bet no one washes their hands there, they all share Duff’s inflated sense of ego, like they are curing diseases or founding peace with the world. I really can’t stand, Duff, Geoff (?), and the main chick that’s a jerk just like Duff. You guys just make cakes! Get over yourselves!
I wouldn’t call it rambling at all.
Serutan, have you ever noticed that there is nothing on the show about HOW IT TASTES?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
I’d pay money to see customers at a formal event spitting pieces of Duff’s cake across the room!
Well, if that isn’t a show idea I don’t have any gay friends! The horror of fondant!
I wonder if Duff does poetry slams. These quotes sound like fodder.
I have seen several references as far as how Ace of Cakes taste crappy here. Although I have not personally tasted his cakes (have you?), I have heard quite a few people comment how great the cakes taste on the show. Something along the lines as “not only looks incredible, but taste great too.” I have also read where his cakes do actually taste good… along the lines of “even though wedding cakes look beautiful but they are not normally tasty, but Ace of Cakes are not only eye pleasing, they also are tasty to eat…”
Well, I guess a lot of people out there must enjoy the taste of styrofoam.
I am so damn over D’ohf and his happy band of rejects from a John Waters movie. Ace of Crooks is a pathetic joke of a TV show and if you are stupid enough to cough up $1K or more for a “cake” that is primarily comprised of petrochemical products, you deserve to get ripped off.
Ya know. I don’t plan on buying a $1k cake from anyone, but I am curious if anyway who claims his cakes taste like crap, i.e. styrofoam, have actually tasted any of his cakes?As I stated previously, I have heard they actually do taste good. There is a big difference b/w it tastes like crap and it PROBABLY tastes like crap.
If Its Funky…
“D’ohf and his happy band of rejects from a John Waters movie.”
BEST LINE of the day!!
(Didn’t they get to meet John Waters when they did a cake for “Hair Spray”? Or am I thinking of something else?)
Random marketing blog? Gee, thanks…
The interview was conducted via e-mail, which would explain why the “voice” may not match the way Duff talks.
Marc, is your blog not a marketing blog? It clearly says so right in the header: “advanced marketing communications.” It’s simply another way for you to promote your business.
You’re welcome for the link, by the way.
If the interview was conducted by e-mail, how do you know Duff was really the one who answered??? THAT could also explain why the voice doesn’t match the way Duff talks.
Yes, a random marketing blog. You’re a marketing blog. And no one’s ever heard of you. That makes you a “random marketing blog” doesn’t it?
Oh, well that explains it! He had someone else answer the questions for him. Perhaps one of his stoner buddies wrote that meandering, half-assed BS. :D
At least she gave a link to your site. No use whining about free publicity.
i would respond but i have to take a moment and look deep within myself to challenge the existentialism of my irreverent behavioral analysis and furthermore inquire as to my situational and fundamental proactive euphamistic tendencies in this pluralistic, yet completely incoherent, vapid moralism of my perception of the universe.
i’ll be right back.
Exactly my point, LostInPlace!
@Lost, yeah, yeah. That’s what I was gonna to say.
:-D
Wow I’m impressed by your intelligence! That IS what you were hoping to convey after all, no?
I find that the sludge of my own existence often comes off with a good body wash.
hehehe!
….and a shave!
Don’t forget to exfoliate!! ;)
I would rather consume “the hearts of vanquished Aztec warriors” than one of his cakes!
I caught a commercial for an upcoming Charm City Cakes episode last night. They are making the AFLAC duck and at the end of the commerical he is standing there staring at it with the most dazed look on his face. I can only assume that he is questioning where he is supposed to cut this cake. Off with its head? Chop the butt off?
Anyway, there is no way that he has a functioning brain cell. Whatever they “imbibe” there at Charm City Cakes has done him in. I believe that Mary Alice filled it out. Furthermore, I believe that she is so tired of it all that she figured she would make him look like an ass. Nice work, Mary Alice. Nice work, indeed.
Me thinks Duff copped some laced Ganja!
When he gets the munchies, I bet even he can’t force himself to eat his cakes.
I was thinking about this blog and the comments here and realized there was more that I needed to say.
I recognize the value of a comedy blog and snark has its place. I watch The Soup every week and I think it’s hilarious. So I’m not trashing this blog or the author. I read some of the other posts and I think they’re funny.
Duff Goldman doesn’t need me to defend him, but I’m going to anyway.
For all the nasty comments about Duff, his show, his cakes, etc., the man built a successful business and turned it into a TV reality show. Whether you’re a fan of the show or not, you have to acknowledge that this is a big achievement. As Duff said in the piece, no one walked up to him and handed him a TV show. He worked for it.
The fact that Duff was gracious enough to consent do an interview for a blog that, as you say, “no one’s ever heard of” speaks volumes about the man’s character. (I might add that I never heard of *this* blog until the trackback appeared on my blog.) He didn’t have to take the time out of his busy schedule to do that.
3Questions4 isn’t a “marketing blog.” It’s a blog where I interview people who I respect and admire. I came up with the idea because it was something that I wanted to do. I thought it would be a good opportunity to use the site to try to generate some publicity for my business—a business that we started because both my wife and I were laid off from our jobs and we can’t find work in this crap economy. I can sit around eating Cheetos in my underwear and spend my time writing nasty blog comments about people I never met or I can try to do something positive to make my life better.
I chose the latter.
Gosh, Marc. You are so much better than all of us. Here, have a cookie.
It’s a blog you write to generate publicity for your MARKETING BUSINESS, hence it’s a MARKETING PLOY. Get over yourself, Marc.
whatever marc. this blog is hilarious and you can’t sum it up and make stupid Cheeto generalizations after being here for one hour. as ice-t would say, eat a bag of dicks..
I’m confused. Where did the author of this post say that Duff was a bad guy? She simply said his choice of speech in the email interview was stupid. Which it was. How about you stop being so sensitive? And instead thank this blog owner for giving you all this publicity. Since you’re in marketing you should know what publicity is, eh?
Duff’s nice. Duff’s great. Duff’s shit doesn’t stink. Blah blah blah, whatever.
What I want to know is this.
Can you guarantee – like swear on your children or spouse guarantee – that Duff answered those questions?
I see nothing wrong with eating Cheetos in your underwear.
Just not Cheetos FROM your underwear. We do have standards. :)
I prefer tortilla chips, but not in my underwear. That would scratch.
Marc, I can’t (and won’t) speak for other folks on this blogsite, but I think a majority of us use it to spout off our minor (and sometimes major) frustrations with FN.
Sure, Duff is a target. Almost everyone in the celebrity food world is a target here. Hell, even our own members are targets! Doesn’t mean we don’t have respect for all as people and humanitarians.
Truth #1: Duff’s answers to your questions were weird! No denying that.
Truth #2: Duff probably has a higher IQ than anyone here.
I’ve only met him once, and we only had a brief, casual conversation. But I’ll bet he’s reading all these replies, chuckling to himself.
I know I am.
:-D
Lana proclaims : ” Truth #2: Duff probably has a higher IQ than anyone here.”
You think ? So you’ve classified him a genius then ? You know there are some pretty sharp peoplethat come around here.
Sarah, umm, er, yeah. I do. Didn’t mean to make a great huge sweeping statement or anything. And no offense to the clever members of this site.
But Duff’s Mensa. So … yeah, for every 100 people that comment here, only 2 would be “as smart” as he. “Genius” is probably an accurate adjective.
Kinda freaky, huh!
:-D
Gee thanks Marc for the visual of your sitting around in your underwear eating Cheerios…..maybe all bloggers do that (surely not you beautiful Jillian) but it’s more information than I need.
Remember everybody, people that make cakes are off limits.
Kiss ass.
Like I’m wearing underwear.
I think that Marc has a point. People here are sounding like angry, unhappy people that are jealous of Duff because he’s succesful. I don’t love Duff by any means, but he has had to do something right in order to get as far in life as he has. Pure luck won’t take you that far. I also think that he comes across as a “dumb” guy, but he’s probably much smarter than the average guy.
We’re commando and they’re Cheetos Habanero! ;^)
BTW, as an artist, I am used to the gobbledygook called ‘artspeak’, which I never expected to read coming from the Duffster. That only makes his AoC persona seem rather calculated, or as suggested here, the replies were written by someone else. JMO. :)
Oh please. Can we stop with the whole “Hey, you assholes are just JEALOUS of these rich and smart and successful FN stars!” Actually, no I’m not. I am not angry. I also do not think Duff is/was lucky. I am sure he did something right to attain his success. Mazel Tov. But, I am certainly going to call him out on being a total asshat when it’s warranted.
Amen, Motzi! I hate it when the Pollyannas of the blogosphere come on sites like these and start a “you’re all just jealous” war with members who are simply expressing their opinions. I’m sure Duff could care less what we think about him and his cakes.
I prefer to sit around in a green puppy suit, eating cupcakes, when I’m on the Internets.
I think I love you.
call me pollyanna or whatever you want. The fact is that even if you are not jealous that’s the way it comes accross. If not jealous at the very least, a very unhappy individual who has nothing else better to do. And seeing a bunch of comments like that does not make for a humorous site at all.
Polly Wannabe -
“And seeing a bunch of comments like that does not make for a humorous site at all.”
You’re welcome to leave if you don’t like it here. GFY.
“call me pollyanna or whatever you want. The fact is that even if you are not jealous that’s the way it comes across. If not jealous at the very least, a very unhappy individual who has nothing else better to do”
LOL. Like you posting here? What does that make you? Paid employee or intern for FN is how you come across.
BTW, the correct word is “troll.”
Duff’s girlfriend looks like my Grandmother. Seriously.
Soon Goldman is going to look like Michael J. Fox’s Werewolf if that facial hair keeps creeping up on his cheeks.
The woman who made our wedding cake went to school with Duff. She said that he’s nothing like his on camera personality, and acts like a normal person until the camera is on him.
I know, I know, it’s shocking that such a realistic and enjoyable character would be entirely fake.
That’s entertainment ;)
Maybe Duff just enjoys winding people? If so, obviously he’s successful at it.
lol at his answers
winding people up, that would be …
Errr….sounds like Duff just got himself a spiffy dictionary and thesaurus set.
Ha, he totally interviewed Guff Doldman.
Sounds to me like maybe that weirdo Geoff typed it for him. He actually does talk that way with his monotone voice.
Wait, I get it.
They were haikus.
Oh come on! You can totally tell Duff (or Geoff) was messing with the blogger. I think it is brilliant. And honestly, I like Ace of Cakes. Yeah yeah, burn me at the stake. If watching a bunch of half baked people make some pretty cakes is wrong and act like goofballs is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Ace of Cakes is better than most of the reality tv shows out there. There is no child exploitation and no families get destroyed. Also, they do work for charities and grant sick kids from Make a Wish their wishes.
Sorry for not being on the I hate Duff bandwagon.
Don’t Mensa members wash their caps and shave?
Sorry, I’m still stuck on the picture–please tell me his nasty-ass skeevy chin isn’t touching that cake? Blech.
It’s on the cake, Mystie.
God help the person that actually ordered the cake.
if he didn’t care about the bottom line, he wouldn’t be charging a minimum of $1000 per cake. sounds like someone had too many pot brownies.
I think I would definitely buy crack from him. Whatever he’s getting seems like the good stuff.
I think this is fantastic and I hope he’s just doing it to screw with people, because if so that’s awesome.
Also… Nietzsche wasn’t exactly known for his taking time to be “silly and joyful,” just saying.
I think I’m more disturbed that his chin whiskers are resting on one of his fancy cakes.