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One Word Makes All The Difference
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Change one word of a Food Network show title, and you’ve got a whole new concept, folks:
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DOWN HOME UNDER WITH THE NEELYS
Watch in amazement as Pat Neely wrestles gators – and Gina Neely – to the ground on each exciting episode. CRIKEY!
TYLER’S ULTIMATE MEDIOCRE
Tyler Florence whips up some of his most boring, mediocre dishes for his less picky colleagues (and his wife’s bitchiest friends).
30 MINUTE SECOND MEALS
Rachael Ray walks us through timeless techniques like spreading peanut butter on crackers, and scooping ice cream into bowls, to help us all serve meals in 30 seconds or less. WOW!
BIG SMALL DADDY’S HOUSE
Matt Roloff takes over for Aaron McCargo Jr and fixes delicious meals for “smaller” appetites – all while using proper grammar.
BAREFOOT DISABLED CONTESSA
Ina Garten courageously prepares decadent, savory meals for Jeffrey and her gay friends after losing a hand in a tragic brownie mixing accident. Inspiring!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---FNH Pop Quiz---Aaron McCargo, Closed Captioned For The Grammatically Impaired
---Aaron McCargo Named One Of Last Decade’s Sexiest Chefs (Really?)
---Aaron McCargo Has A Dumb New Tagline
---Grillin’ With Bobby Flay: All Week on the Food Network
- General: Food Network
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LISTEN TO THE LATEST PODCAST: Episode 20
THIS WEEK: Another tailgating weekend! Alex G's onion rings, an awful slow cooker experience, Ina & Jeffrey Garten's lame steak throwdown, Jennifer Hudson's annoying Weight Watchers commercial, Restaurant Impossible's cheap makeovers, and more.
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48 Responses
I’m going to hell…I giggled at the Disabled Contessa. Not because of her disability, but because she lost her hand in a “tragic brownie mixing accident.” Gold.
What would be more fun is if Pat sat back as the gator wrestled and won against Gina. Now, that I’d watch!
TheOtherErin, I was about to tell Jillian that she’s going to hell. But, since I laughed too, save me seat on that Hell Train.
Other ideas:
If Ina were missing a foot, “The No Foot Contessa.”
Or, “The Crippled Contessa” (just for the catchiness the alliteration would offer).
As for the hand, looks like Ina forgot the picnic basket on her last camping excursion to France– and Jeffrey went cannibal!
Wasn’t Ina disabled a long time ago?
Don’t get me wrong.. But does Ina have any straight friends? I know the guys are florists, catering types but please can we have a little change when J hubby is not in the Hamptons?!!!! Perhaps some book club girls or something.
ROFL!
The only one I could think of was one called InEdible Eats. Hosted by Alton Brown but he examines/deconstructs dishes cooked up by the likes of Fieri, Deen, Ray, Lee et al.
“Road Tasted with the Neelys” could be changed to:
“Road Kill with the Neelys.” They would add their Southern barbeque flair to all those taste treats they scooped up along Interstate 40.
These suggestions are just as funny as Jillian’s! I’m so glad I found this site :)
Here’s a few more:
Paula’s Potty
Semi-Ho
Will Work for Sex
Ass of Cakes
Guy’s Big Butt
ewww – can you imagine the visual for these?
@JUN and @JENN – LOLZ!
Tin Chefs
Throw Up with Bobby Flay
Semi Homemade* *99 percent store bought with Sandra Lee
Fucking Obvious Money Saving Secrets with Sandara Lee
The Smirnoff Hour with Sandra Lee
The Miller Lite Half Time Report with Sandra Lee
The I don’t have a fucking clue what Kwanza is but I will do a special on it anyway with Sandra Lee
I love how that picture of “disabled” Ina was used again. It cracks me up.
Some other ideas:
The Next Flop Chef – Just because the title changed doesn’t mean the show itself has to.
LOL @ DesignerJeans
Sorry, but the disabled Ina picture just doesn’t do it for me.
** Should be “The Next Food Network Flop”. Don’t know what I was thinking.
Here’s a money saving tip for Sandra: stop cooking with so much booze. That will easily cut her bill in half.
ROFL @Throw Up With Bobby Flay
Also, all of these cracked me up. I needed a huge pick me up after an awful day at work and this was just perfect xD
Don’t forget Made of Cake’s. The entire show is animated using only cakes.
Don’t blame me, everyone else took the good ones :(
I never get tired of Disabled Contessa.
How about Homeless Contessa – Ina Garten is forced to prepare meals with things she finds in her friends’ garbage cans.
Tyler’s Mediocre? Sounds like the show he already HAS!!!
lmao at Matt Roloff. Totally random. Love it.
“Ultimate Recipe Hoedown” – with the Deen Family
“Feasting on Graves” – Alton becomes a zombie and …
“5 Ingredient Pricks” – Fieri’s friends cook a meal for Claire Robinson, each with only five ingredients (cuz that’s how high they can count)
“Cooking for Zealots” – Sunny seeks out religious cults and teaches them how to cook her Grandmother’s cakes
“Sleazy Entertaining” – with Michael Chiarello, who hosts parties with strippers and pimps at his Napa home
How about:
Lying with Debbie
Lie, Cry, Cook (with Debbie)
Snoozing with Jeffry Saad
Mommy Mayhem (I love that line from Adam’s blog)
“How to Boil Water… and cook some ramen, because that’s all we have because we spent all of our money on booze.” ~Nah, that’s too long
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“Boy meets the grill of a Mack truck” ~WHAM!!
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“Chopped, with a machete” ~With new host, Jason Voorhees
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Ok, now that last one was just out there. Time for bed.
Semi-Intoxicated with Sandra Lee
Paula’s Home Crapping – where Paula and her dogs compete to find the most obscure places to pee/poop on her property.
Gay’s Big Bite – because he sooooooo has to be.
My left foot contessa?
OMG those are so freakin’ funny!
@Lana “5 Ingredient Pricks” is priceless!
If I was Pat Neely, I would rather wake up every morning with that kangaroo instead of the other beast in his life Gina.
What’s the deal with all the shows featuring midgets these days ? Are we that hard up for programming we need to have these type of shows ? Jesus, read a book for Chrissake.
Figures Pat Neely would be grabbing the crock by the cloaca. Man, he just can’t get enough “sugar”, can he?
@Byrdie: “grabbing the croc by the cloaca…” LMFAO!!!
Hmmm . . . thinking
“Aunt Sandy’s Shooters & Hooters”
“Down & Dirty with the Neelys”
“Road Wasted”
Oh!
Duh.
PS – loved AB’s “Feasting on Graves” ahaha
“The Worst Thing I Ever Ate”
“Bad Eats”
“Quick Fix Me!” with Robin Miller
“Unhealthy Appetite” with Ellie Krieger
“Table Escapes” with Sandra Lee
“How’d that bong get in here ? ” with Sunny Anderson
“Cooking for Real with Colt 45 Malt Liquor ” with Sunny Anderson
GOOD GRIEF (EATS) – Alton Brown keeps trying to kick the football, and his sister Marcia keeps pulling it away.
“What Would Brian Boitano Mate?” – don’t ask
“Secrets of a Hospital Chef” – w/ Aaron McCargo
“Viva Scorsese!” – Daisy films Martin in the kitchen
“Chefs vs. Network” – REAL chefs challenge network stars in a cook off. The series is canceled after only one season cuz it was just too embarrassing to watch the carnage
Hell’s Bitchin’ – where the Food Network Stars compete against each other while Gordon Ramsey screams and insults them. I’d watch that just to see Gordon pop a blood vessel while calling Sandra Lee an effing cow.
@Tatiana….i’d pay good money to see that show. Throw it on in the Next food Network Star time slot. =D
You know what, let’s just combine some of those into one show. It’d be awesome!
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Imagine a show like Iron Chef, where the Food Network “stars” compete against real chefs, with Gordon Ramsay as both chairman AND judge. When… er, I mean if the FN “chefs” lose, special guest Donald Trump comes in, and tells them they’re fired.
@Freezezzy – Good idea for a show. Now, if you can figure out how to get Tusch-brain to take part, old Trumpy can fire him and the world would be brighter place.
Can we send the Neelys to Australia for good ? That would be excellent. That woman is an animal.
“Cooking Without Cleavage”
“Sandra’s Mind-Numbing Meals.” Oh wait… it’s the exact same show.
The Topless Contessa, yummo!
Yum-NO!! That’s one mental image we don’t need. >:P
I have just discovered this website for myself and I need to tell you two things: first, I am ecstatic to have found people that seem to understand my odd obsession with Food Network (and making fun of its personalities). Second, “Disabled Contessa” and the accompanying picture made me LAUGH UNTIL I CRIED. Ooooh, thank you for that!!!