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The Food Network Batman Cast
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“Food Network Batman Cast”
by Ben Malone
On the heels of Heath Ledger’s much deserving Oscar win for his memorable portrayal of the Joker in “The Dark Knight”, I started thinking about who the Joker’s equivalent would be on the roster of Food Network stars. As I ran through the list in my head, I started finding other Batman villains that drew comparisons to the chefs on TFN, and before I knew it, Pow! Blam! Thunk! I had compiled an all-inclusive list.
Keep in mind, I do not proclaim to have any knowledge of these characters from their comic book origins. I have never been a comic book guy, and have only vague memories of watching the cartoon and reruns of the TV show starring Adam West. So these comparisons are based on the characters as they appeared in the movies. For obvious reasons, I used Ledger’s Joker instead of Jack Nicholson; I also chose Aaron Eckhart’s Two Face instead Tommy Lee Jones, mostly because he appeared alongside Ledger, but also because Tommy Lee Jones was painful to watch.
Enjoy.
1. The Joker: Guy Fieri
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| This works on a couple levels. First, the Joker is the flagship villain in the Batman series, and Guy Fieri is without a doubt the Food Network’s golden boy. Second, some of the things that come out of Guy’s mouth, particularly on “Triple D”, make him sound like he belongs in a padded room in Arkham Asylum (“You could put that on a shoe and it would still be good”). | |
2. Catwoman: Giada De Laurentiis
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| I’ll be honest, the only real connection here is that Giada is probably the only one who could pull off the black leather outfit. | |
3. Mr. Freeze: Sandra Lee
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| The gender difference aside, this one works mostly because Sandra Lee cooks so much crap that comes straight out of the freezer. Plus, Mr. Freeze’s lair is all the same color, and it matches his outfit. Sound like someone we know? | |
4. The Penguin: Rachael Ray
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| This is another one that’s mostly based on physical appearance (the resemblance is uncanny, no?), but we also watched Danny DeVito’s Penguin take a bite out of an uncooked fish (scales, head and all …). That fish is good symbolism for the undercooked, inedible-for-the-rest-of-us food that Rachael Ray tries to pass off as a 30-minute meal. | |
5. Poison Ivy: Paula Deen
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| When Uma Thurman played this role in “Batman Returns”, Ivy was a seemingly harmless woman; but in reality, she used toxins and pheromones from her plants to assist her in carrying out her evil deeds. In the same vein, Paula Deen appears to be a normal, grandmotherly figure; in reality, her recipes have so much butter and sugar in them, that one can only assume that she’s out to poison America, one recipe at a time. | |
6. The Riddler: Alton Brown
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| Accoring to the all-knowing and ever powerful Wikipedia, the Riddler “… is typically portrayed as a smooth-talking, yet quirky, victim of an intense obsessive compulsion.” That sentence could just as easily be used to describe Alton Brown. The Riddler’s alter ego, Edward Nygma, was a former scientist for Wayne Enterprises, and on both “Good Eats” and “Iron Chef America”, Alton Brown plays the role of the Food Network’s science teacher to a t. Plus, he kind of looks like the Riddler. | |
7. Two Face: Bobby Flay
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| Harvey Dent, initially called Gotham’s “White Knight” (which is what Bobby Flay was to the Food Network before Guy Fieri showed up), had his life destroyed by the Joker (played by Fieri in our little exercise as well … creepy!) and ultimately became a vigilante just like the Joker. This ultimately comes down to Bobby’s latest show, “Throwdown with Bobby Flay”, where he employs the duality of good and evil just like Dent. First, the good: TFN makes unsuspecting chefs think they’re getting their 15 minutes of fame on a Food Network special; the bad when they’re filming the special, Bobby crashes the party, telling them it was all a hoax, and then putting them on the spot to challenge them to a cook off. Ultimately, though, Bobby loses more often than he wins, and he gets his just desserts, just like Two Face. | |
[Editor's note: You can find more of Ben Malone's work at B-Unit. His blog is a well written gem, packed with witty one liners and hilarious insights. Check it out!]
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Thanksgiving Live: This Weekend On Food Network---Dear Alton Brown, The Internet Is Worried About You
---Awful Food Network Fan Art
---Honest Food Network Chef Autobiographies
---Alton Brown Donates $100 To FNH; Offers To Match Pledges Of Other Food Network Hosts
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17 Responses
This is epic. Love it
Sandra Lee = Mr Freeze! LMAO. Perfect comparison. I’m totally showing this to my boyfriend tonight. He will freak.
Really really clever. Good read. Thanks for the laugh!
NIGELLA LAWSON FOR CATWOMAN 2009!
Doctor Death = Aaron McCargo Jr. ?? I mean c’mon, his cooking could be considered biological weapons, no?
Bob Tucshman must be Commissioner James Gordon. And I suppose Noah Starr would have to be Robin (sidekick extraordinaire) and so Aida must be Batgirl?
LOL !! too funny!
Sandra Lee/Mr. Freeze, Penguin/RR and Riddler/Alton are perfect. You could totally see Alton prancing around Gotham.
Giada couldn’t pull off the Catwoman leather outfit if she starved herself for a year.
In the interest of being very nitpicky, Uma Thurman played Poison Ivy in “Batman & Robin,” not “Batman Returns.”
I always liked the Jack Nicholson-as-Joker/RachaelRay
morph:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFUt9cjPIUo&feature=channel_page
Bee- thanks for the fact checking. I meant to check which movie Uma was in, but by the time I finished writing this, it had completely slipped my mind.
And I think Giada could pull off the leather, provided there was ample room in the chestal region.
Giada’s bobblehead might not fit into Catwoman’s headgear.
Giada’s bobblehead might not fit into Catwoman’s headgear.
P.S. – Sorry, forgot to tell you great post!
If Fee-Idiot sees this and somehow thinks he might be ready for the movies, man have you ever created a monster.
Or maybe this is where the dickhead belongs. Either way, he makes me sick.
Kyle, and what makes you think Fietti isn’t already talking to Hollywood? I don’t have the inside track or anything, but I expect him to *at least* do a voice for some upcoming Pixar movie ….
[...] the role of the Food Network
I see Duff Goldman as The Penguin, as he is fat and bald. He kind of even sounds like The Penguin when he laughs. You are right about AB as the Riddler. He does bear a striking resemblance to Jim Carrey.
Hollywood can have the douchebag. This guy actually calls himself a chef and thinks he is a vital part of the culinary arts in America. Nice try fatboy.
Hey, great article! I hate to be nit-picky, but the joker definitely was not a vigilante… haha. A vigilante is “One who takes or advocates the taking of law enforcement into one’s own hands”, like, you know, Batman (hence why every person who hates a superhero says something along the lines of “we have no room for vigilantes in this city/town/area of dwelling!”.
Batman Returns was the last good Batman movie, that was the one with Catwoman and Penguin. Not the one with Uma and Arnold, that was a piece of crap movie called “Batman and Robin”.