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Rachael Ray »

4

If Rachael Ray Were President…
Posted on January 30th 2009 by Jillian Madison

rachel-ray-president

IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT… The Miranda Rights would be rewritten to include: “You have the right to EVOO; if you can not afford a bottle of EVOO, one will be provided for you…”

IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT… The White House staff uniform would be a leotard shirt tucked into a pair of mom jeans.

IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT… Waiters and waitresses would only get 5% tips by law.

IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT… The Star Spangled Banner would open, “Yumm-oh say can you see…”

IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT… Before getting hired, all White House cooks would have to prove they could cook a 25 pound turkey in 3o minutes or less.

IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT… New Kids On The Block and Lionel Richie would headline at the SXSW Festival

IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT… Anthony Bourdain’s show would get canceled and he’d be exiled to France.

IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT… Hardcore Rachael Ray fans would start saying Isa-BOO on Halloween to scare people.

IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT…The White House would get covered in silicone and painted orange.

IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT… Rap group Salt ‘N Pepa would reunite to record “STOUP,” the long awaited follow-up to  “Shoop.”


Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---If Paula Deen Was President…
---Anthony Bourdain Wants To Get Drunk With Rachael Ray
---Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Rachael Ray Her “EVOO Dispenser” Looks Like A Gigantic Peen?
---The Rachael Ray Dictionary
---Rachael Ray Yum-O Ugg Boots

    4 Responses

  1. Kyle says:
    January 30, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    If Rachael Ray were President…Her greasy little scuzball husband would not pass a background check and will be forbidden to enter the White House so Rachael will schedule conjugal visits at Motel 6 in Alexandria, Virginia.

    Reply
  2. FoodTvFan says:
    January 30, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    If Rachael Ray were President … Her $81 Billion stimulus plan would cover weight loss programs from R Inc.

    Reply
  3. Ursos says:
    January 30, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    IF RACHAEL RAY WERE PRESIDENT… I would finally be pushed far enough to move to Canada.

    Reply

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